Posts Tagged ‘sick’

Today was my turn to clean out the small fridge next to the coffee machine.

It’s not a popular job.

I don’t even use the small fridge.

But according to my boss, Clark, everyone has to “do their part.”

Everyone except for Clark. He “manages” the fridge cleaning schedule. That means he won’t be putting on the rubber gloves and mask to do the job.

…So, I did my part.

It may be a small fridge, but it’s crammed with oddities and packs a wallop of stink.

I found…

1. An upper denture in a coffee mug.

2. A file folder stuffed with individually wrapped cheese slices.

3. A half eaten tuna sandwich and a half eaten egg salad sandwich mashed together and wrapped in Saran Wrap. My guess: Circa three months ago.

4. Anaphylactic Contraband – An open jar of Skippy Peanut Butter.

5. One snow globe, slightly cracked…

6. Something that was once some sort of dairy but is now a bio-hazard.

7. A chewed up wad of gum stuck inside in a fuzzy slipper.

8. An overturned bottle of cough syrup tipped into an open bowl of cereal.

9. Gravy.

10. A urine sample.

Nasty, nasty, nasty…

But at the very least, cleaning that thing confirmed what I thought: I made the right call not putting my food in it.

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I forgot my lunch today.

I won’t do that again.

Now I understand why the “cafeteria dwellers” around here look so grey and bloated…

The building’s cafeteria is in the subbasement. Makes sense. This isn’t a place you want to showcase.

The kitchen staff are a grim crew.

I feel bad for them. No natural light. Having to spend all day smelling and looking at the “food” they make.

The guy who flips the burgers has an extra finger on one of his hands. Not his “spatula” hand. But his “picking up the bun” hand… I was surprised that there was a line up.

My other “Main Course” choices were the “Bo Bo Balls” (chicken?) or the “Shish-Ka-Smelt” (fish?).

Both dishes came covered in an orange sauce.

I decided to check out the salad bar.

No lie, on my way to it, I saw one of the kitchen staff spraying for roaches by the coffee urns.

Spraying for roaches during the lunch rush…

Unlike my co-workers, the guy spraying for roaches gets results.

The roaches started coming out to die in the salad bar. They were big suckers too. Convulsing on the ice lettuce and cucumber slices.

That’s when I left.

I was relieved to get back to the office.

…I can’t believe I just said that.

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We had two feet of snow yesterday.

In response: An email from our friend in Human Resources, Trudy Cousins.

She advises us that it often snows in the winter.

Thanks, Trudy. Anything else?

We are also told that heavy snow storms can result in challenges for employees getting to work.


Trudy just wants to remind us that in the event of a severe winter storm, we are still expected to make every reasonable effort to report to work.

She also provides simple tips that will help us get to work while the rest of the free world is following the police advisories to stay off the roads except in the case of medical emergency.

Her tips include:

If you know a storm is coming, give yourself extra time for the morning drive
Purchase quality snow tires
Pack a shovel and blanket in the trunk of your car

I wonder what advice she has for getting to work during a nuclear attack…

If your car is vaporized, give yourself extra time for the morning walk
Purchase a quality radiation suit
Duck, cover and roll to the office

I called Trudy to find out policy on an insurance issue. But apparently she left early.

Guess she wanted to beat the traffic home.

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