Posts Tagged ‘screwed chewed and aged’

sick days so long typhoid
Typhoid Mildred was fired today.

Apparently she was captured on the office video surveillance stealing a box of pencils… Oh, and apparently we have office video surveillance.

Mildred got a call, went to HR, and came back to her desk with Trudy and two Security Guards. She packed the contents of her desk into a single box and was ushered out of the office.

But Mildred did not go gentle into the land of unemployment.

First, she screamed “Help me!”

Then she bit one of the Security Guards.

Next she broke free and made for Clark’s office.

By the time she was pulled off Clark, the boxed contents of her desk were scattered all over the floor. The picture of Mr. Hamish, the 1950’s Hamish Industries print ads, the Hamish coffee mug, key chain, and chachkes.

She’s been her for over 40 years and they dragged her out by her ankles…

There’ll be no retirement party for Mildred.

As she was hauled past us, I asked Clark if there wasn’t something he could do to help her.

Clark asked me if I knew how much a box of pencils cost.

I said “A box of 12 costs around $3.00 at Staples.”

Then Clark asked me if I liked working here.

He walked off with a smile on his face as Mildred’s screams drowned out the photocopiers, phones and fax machines.

As the elevator doors were closing behind her, she yelled “I’ll be back to kill you all in your sleep!”

That should keep us all awake.

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