Posts Tagged ‘Scottish’

sick days cube vultures
Given the circumstances of Typhoid Mildred’s recent departure, people have been more restrained than usual in their cube plundering.

Usually the vultures descend quickly and start scooping up staplers, rulers, mousepads – anything that isn’t bolted to the floor.

Of course it’s just a matter of time. Once someone makes a move and unplugs her desk fan, all bets are off.

The larger issue will be who gets Mildred’s cube. It has indirect light and a partial view of a corner of a window, so in Hamish terms, it’s a very desirable piece of real estate.

Word is that the lobbying for her cube has already started on the QT. Innocent emails of inquiry to Clark and casual hints dropped at the water fountain.

It’s kind of creepy. Her seat isn’t even cold yet.

While I have no intention of claiming a stake (it’s a fixer up ‘er and likely haunted) I do have an interest in who gets it.

My worse case scenario has Otto moving in. Or Farook. Or Mike. In fact, when I think about it, there’s no one in the office that I can imagine being able to co-exist with for any length of time. I’m not sure what that says about them – or me.

I might be okay with a photocopier. It’s hard to say. They can be noisy and draw a crowd.

Mildred wasn’t the most engaging neighbour but she was quiet, professional and made me laugh. Plus, she kept other people out of our corner of the office. And she made me tea once.

Oh. My. God… I miss Mildred!

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I admit it. Curiosity got the best of me. I couldn’t help myself.

I had to find out if any of the people I work with have any kind of “web presence.”

I wanted to find out more about them without actually having to talk to them.

The results were… Interesting.

Typhoid Mildred.

Not surprisingly, Mildred isn’t heavily into the whole social networking aspect of the World Wide Web.

She’s not LinkedIn, there’s no Facebook or MySpace page for Mildred.

And if I said “Hey Mildred, can I Twitter you?” she’d probably kick me in the nuts.

I doubt she even has a computer at home. Mildred calls the one she has here a “typewriter.” I take that as a pretty good indication she’s not all that “tech savvy.”

But her name does come up as a member of the local Robbie Burns Appreciation Society. The other members are Maggie and Molly.

It’s a small group.

Curious bit of trivia: All three members of the local Robbie Burns Appreciation Society are women whose first names start with the letter “M.”

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I didn’t expect a great job.  Not even a good one.  And I definitely didn’t expect Mildred McClellan.

Mildred is the senior customer service representative here at Hamish Industries. I’m not sure if “senior” refers to her age or her time with the company – or both.

All I know is she’s my orientation buddy.

Mildred is a tiny thing with a booming Scottish accent. That takes getting used to. She has two cushions on her chair just to get her propped up to desk level.

Her cubicle is a shrine to Hamish Industries. From the 1950’s Hamish Industries print ads on her walls to the Hamish Industries coffee mug, key chain, and chachkes on her desk – it’s all Hamish all the time with her.

“I had a mastectomy on Thursday and was back to work on Monday.”

Honest to God, that’s the first thing she said to me. Apparently, dragging yourself in after having a body part removed is expected around here.

She said that colds, flues or other “wee ailments” never stopped her from getting to work.

From now on I’m calling her “Typhoid Mildred.”

Just not to her face.

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