Posts Tagged ‘office nuts’


Our office has a strict “No Nuts” policy…


Anyway… Some of the folks who work here have severe peanut allergies. So we aren’t allowed to bring peanuts, peanut butter, etc., to work.

Fair enough. I don’t want my sandwich to kill anyone.

But there’s a small group here that call the peanut policy “discriminatory.”

Typhoid Mildred is their ringleader. Mildred doesn’t believe in allergies. She thinks anaphylactic reaction is something you can “walk off.”

Mildred and her peanut crusaders claim that the “anti-nut lunatic fringe” are “fakers who want special treatment.”

They really get angry about it.

They whisper to each other about “Fragile Jill” and “Nutless Tom” as though having an allergy was a lifestyle choice… An EpiPen, a fashion accessory.

They also wave Snickers bars around recklessly.

I’m sure if Nutless Tom collapsed in Mildred’s cubicle, she’d shake her finger at him and say “You’ll get no attention from me, ya blubbering baby.”

That right, Mildred. He’s just like a child holding his breath…Only a little more permanently.

She’s okay with peanuts, but today she told me to stop wearing aftershave.

According to Mildred, I smell like a woman and it “gets up her nose.”

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