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Posts Tagged ‘Must Kill Otto’

sick days otto talk2
Just had lunch with Otto.

Where do they keep the antacids around here?

Int. Fast Food Restaurant – Day

Alan and Otto sitting in booth. They’ve just finished eating their burgers and fries.

Me: So, Otto-mobile.

Otto: I don’t find that funny, Alan.

Me: Sorry. Can you pass me a napkin?

Otto: A napkin?

Me: Yeah, you know, for wiping your mouth.

Otto: I know what a napkin is.

Me: Great. Can you pass me one?

Otto: You don’t have your own?

Me: Uh, no…

Otto: What happened to your napkins?

Me: I forgot to get them. Luckily you grabbed some napkins. So, can you ‘lend’ me one?

Otto: Are you sure you don’t have any napkins? Have you looked under your tray?

Me: Yeah, Otto. I’ve done a pretty exhaustive search.

(Beat)

Otto: I can’t help you.

Me: Excuse me?

Otto: I have 3 napkins. If I loan you one, I’ll only have 2.

Me: And…

Otto: And, I like to have at least 2 back up napkins.

Me: Sounds sensible, but… Come on, Otto.

Otto: I don’t think so.

Me: Otto, just give me a napkin.

Otto: Sorry, but if I give you one, I set a dangerous precedent. Next thing I know you’ll be asking me for a few fries and then a bite of my cheeseburger and a sip of my strawberry shake …

Me: Fine…

Otto: Maybe you should get a napkin holder… To help you organize…

Me: Thanks, Otto…

Otto: Or monogrammed napkins…

Me: Okay, Otto…

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sick days omaha. 450JPG
I’m in Omaha with Clark and Otto at a “Windows and Doors” trade show.

Yes, it’s as exciting as it sounds.

My 12 hour drive here with Otto was informative. I learned that he’s one of those people that likes to read aloud the names of every street sign and billboard you pass on the road.

That never gets tiring.

I also learned that Otto gets carsick and can’t read a map. And that he likes to drum his fingers on the dashboard and hum along to talk radio. I learned his license has expired and I’ll be doing the entire drive here and back.

We’re sharing a room at a Super 8 Motel while Clark bunks down at a real hotel.

Otto snores. Oh, he also likes to leave the lights on while he sleeps. And the television.

Did I mention that I’m considering killing Otto?

We’ve seen our boss, Clark, once.

He took us to our booth at the convention centre, handed us each a stack of promotional material and then disappeared into the crowd.

So, for now, I smile, nod, and hand out fliers to conventioneers that seem more interested in finding a bar and a local prostitute than in reading product information about Hamish Industries.

But then again, that could just be the fatigue setting in.

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