Posts Tagged ‘lunch’

I spent 60 minutes in the lunchroom with Naline today.

I learned all kinds of things about her.

Naline says whatever’s on her mind. It’s one of those characteristics that sounds admirable in theory. But in practice… not so much.

Did you know that Naline has a yeast infection? I do. And apparently it’s “a really bad one!”

Hey, if I don’t tell you, she will. And if you’re unlucky, she’ll tell you while you’re eating a tuna sandwich.

I asked her to pass the salt and she told me that she’s had breast enhancements. I decided against asking for the pepper.

Apparently she had her breasts done in order to look more like her hero, Dolly Parton.

Every summer, Naline makes the pilgrimage to her Mecca, Dollywood.

She’s also planning on dying her red hair blonde in order to look more “Dolly-esque.” She wants to be a Dolly Parton impersonator.

Then she told me her dad was in jail. And that her sister is divorced but is “still hot.” I also learned that her boyfriend has herpes – in both places, and that she’s a recovering alcoholic.

I said she didn’t need to impersonate a country-western singer. It sounds like she has all the material needed to write her own hit songs.

She burst out laughing and gently punched me on the shoulder. Apparently I have a great sense of humor.

Next she said that she hated Otto and had a crush on Clark.

Then she told me she had problems with “boundaries.”

I’d never have guessed.

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I forgot my lunch today.

I won’t do that again.

Now I understand why the “cafeteria dwellers” around here look so grey and bloated…

The building’s cafeteria is in the subbasement. Makes sense. This isn’t a place you want to showcase.

The kitchen staff are a grim crew.

I feel bad for them. No natural light. Having to spend all day smelling and looking at the “food” they make.

The guy who flips the burgers has an extra finger on one of his hands. Not his “spatula” hand. But his “picking up the bun” hand… I was surprised that there was a line up.

My other “Main Course” choices were the “Bo Bo Balls” (chicken?) or the “Shish-Ka-Smelt” (fish?).

Both dishes came covered in an orange sauce.

I decided to check out the salad bar.

No lie, on my way to it, I saw one of the kitchen staff spraying for roaches by the coffee urns.

Spraying for roaches during the lunch rush…

Unlike my co-workers, the guy spraying for roaches gets results.

The roaches started coming out to die in the salad bar. They were big suckers too. Convulsing on the ice lettuce and cucumber slices.

That’s when I left.

I was relieved to get back to the office.

…I can’t believe I just said that.

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