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Posts Tagged ‘food???’

sick days otto talk2
Just had lunch with Otto.

Where do they keep the antacids around here?

Int. Fast Food Restaurant – Day

Alan and Otto sitting in booth. They’ve just finished eating their burgers and fries.

Me: So, Otto-mobile.

Otto: I don’t find that funny, Alan.

Me: Sorry. Can you pass me a napkin?

Otto: A napkin?

Me: Yeah, you know, for wiping your mouth.

Otto: I know what a napkin is.

Me: Great. Can you pass me one?

Otto: You don’t have your own?

Me: Uh, no…

Otto: What happened to your napkins?

Me: I forgot to get them. Luckily you grabbed some napkins. So, can you ‘lend’ me one?

Otto: Are you sure you don’t have any napkins? Have you looked under your tray?

Me: Yeah, Otto. I’ve done a pretty exhaustive search.

(Beat)

Otto: I can’t help you.

Me: Excuse me?

Otto: I have 3 napkins. If I loan you one, I’ll only have 2.

Me: And…

Otto: And, I like to have at least 2 back up napkins.

Me: Sounds sensible, but… Come on, Otto.

Otto: I don’t think so.

Me: Otto, just give me a napkin.

Otto: Sorry, but if I give you one, I set a dangerous precedent. Next thing I know you’ll be asking me for a few fries and then a bite of my cheeseburger and a sip of my strawberry shake …

Me: Fine…

Otto: Maybe you should get a napkin holder… To help you organize…

Me: Thanks, Otto…

Otto: Or monogrammed napkins…

Me: Okay, Otto…

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sick-days-fridge
Today was my turn to clean out the small fridge next to the coffee machine.

It’s not a popular job.

I don’t even use the small fridge.

But according to my boss, Clark, everyone has to “do their part.”

Everyone except for Clark. He “manages” the fridge cleaning schedule. That means he won’t be putting on the rubber gloves and mask to do the job.

…So, I did my part.

It may be a small fridge, but it’s crammed with oddities and packs a wallop of stink.

I found…

1. An upper denture in a coffee mug.

2. A file folder stuffed with individually wrapped cheese slices.

3. A half eaten tuna sandwich and a half eaten egg salad sandwich mashed together and wrapped in Saran Wrap. My guess: Circa three months ago.

4. Anaphylactic Contraband – An open jar of Skippy Peanut Butter.

5. One snow globe, slightly cracked…

6. Something that was once some sort of dairy but is now a bio-hazard.

7. A chewed up wad of gum stuck inside in a fuzzy slipper.

8. An overturned bottle of cough syrup tipped into an open bowl of cereal.

9. Gravy.

10. A urine sample.

Nasty, nasty, nasty…

But at the very least, cleaning that thing confirmed what I thought: I made the right call not putting my food in it.

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hamish-cafeteria-food
I forgot my lunch today.

I won’t do that again.

Now I understand why the “cafeteria dwellers” around here look so grey and bloated…

The building’s cafeteria is in the subbasement. Makes sense. This isn’t a place you want to showcase.

The kitchen staff are a grim crew.

I feel bad for them. No natural light. Having to spend all day smelling and looking at the “food” they make.

The guy who flips the burgers has an extra finger on one of his hands. Not his “spatula” hand. But his “picking up the bun” hand… I was surprised that there was a line up.

My other “Main Course” choices were the “Bo Bo Balls” (chicken?) or the “Shish-Ka-Smelt” (fish?).

Both dishes came covered in an orange sauce.

I decided to check out the salad bar.

No lie, on my way to it, I saw one of the kitchen staff spraying for roaches by the coffee urns.

Spraying for roaches during the lunch rush…

Unlike my co-workers, the guy spraying for roaches gets results.

The roaches started coming out to die in the salad bar. They were big suckers too. Convulsing on the ice lettuce and cucumber slices.

That’s when I left.

I was relieved to get back to the office.

…I can’t believe I just said that.

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