Posts Tagged ‘flouncy western civilization’

sick days to do
Otto was off sick today. Despite the additional work, this is a good thing.

But we had a minor crisis involving one of Otto’s files and I had to ransack his desk in search of some paperwork.

Otto’s desk is – I suspect – much like the inside of his head. A dark, cluttered and scary place.

I found the file and a number of other troubling objects.

Perhaps the most intriguing thing I came across was his “to do” list from yesterday.

It didn’t have much to do with actual “work” but it sure provides some fascinating insights into the weirdness that is Otto.

Otto’s Thursday “To Do” List

1. Breathe. Remember to Breathe

(I’m hoping this is a calming exercise and not just a basic reminder on one of the necessities of life, but with Otto, honestly, who knows?)

2. Write Friday’s “to do” list

(He wrote one thing. It was “Don’t get sick!”)

3. Compliment Clark on his shoes

(His Wednesday list had “tie,” and Tuesday had “breath.”)

4. Give “problem” files to Alan

(Mystery solved.)

5. Rat on Mildred


6. Call Attorney/Dog Groomer/Masseuse/Orthodontist

(I’m hoping these aren’t all the same person.)

7. F1444-33/Ottoclock@ 3.00p.m. sharp!

(Just unnerving. If I hear ticking, I’m out of here.)

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Three little things…

Number 1

Mary Margaret and Jack from Payroll are unlikely friends.

They work in adjacent cubes. Despite the fact that they sit within 8 feet of each other, they call each other and talk on the phone.

I hear both of them speaking. I also hear their voices coming through their phone lines. So I hear it all in surround sound.

They must think that because they’re talking on the phone no one else can hear them… But they’re pretty loud. And their chats can get very personal.

I found out today that they think Naline is a slut, that Farook is hording paper, and that I can be “a bit of a knob.”

Number 2

Farook turns on his email “out of office” reply when he goes to lunch, or a meeting, or the bathroom. He turns it on and off about 30 times a day.

Number 3

Otto has a habit of sending me emails and then running to my desk immediately afterward and telling me that he sent me an email. He then tells me what he wrote in his email before I can read it.

I sent him an email today telling him to stop sending me emails and then running over to tell me what is in the emails before I open them.

Then I ran to his desk and told him that I sent him an email asking him to stop sending me emails and running over to my desk to tell me what is in them before I can open them.

…I’m learning.

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My boss, Clark, used to be in sales.

Based on my meeting with him today, you’d never have guessed.

This morning I walked by his office. He was on the phone. He snapped his fingers to get my attention. Then he waved me in.

After he hung up, he told me he needed a favor.

Apparently there’s a corporate “spirit” committee. Their mission? Find ways to boost employee morale.

Turns out it’s mandatory that every division have a rep on the committee.

Clark suggested that I should be our volunteer mandatory spirit rep.

He “sold” it by saying his hands were tied and as far as he was concerned it was all a colossal waste of time. Then he gave me the “hard sell.” I had no choice and at least it would get me out of here a few hours a month.

I believe the term is “voluntold.”

When I asked “Why me?” Clark looked pained.

I realized it was because I was walking by his door as he was getting his spirit committee orders.

But Clark used to be in sales. So he told me that he wanted someone who wouldn’t embarrass him… too much.

At this point, I think he sensed that his pitch was lacking “spirit.”

He tried to rally. He told me that I wouldn’t need to do anything, just show up and pretend to be interested.

Then he said “You can do that. Can’t you?”

…And so I’m now the customer service rep on the spirit committee.

My first suggestion to improve morale? Employees should avoid walking past their manager’s doors.

Go team!

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