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Posts Tagged ‘Days Sick’

hamish-cafeteria-food
I forgot my lunch today.

I won’t do that again.

Now I understand why the “cafeteria dwellers” around here look so grey and bloated…

The building’s cafeteria is in the subbasement. Makes sense. This isn’t a place you want to showcase.

The kitchen staff are a grim crew.

I feel bad for them. No natural light. Having to spend all day smelling and looking at the “food” they make.

The guy who flips the burgers has an extra finger on one of his hands. Not his “spatula” hand. But his “picking up the bun” hand… I was surprised that there was a line up.

My other “Main Course” choices were the “Bo Bo Balls” (chicken?) or the “Shish-Ka-Smelt” (fish?).

Both dishes came covered in an orange sauce.

I decided to check out the salad bar.

No lie, on my way to it, I saw one of the kitchen staff spraying for roaches by the coffee urns.

Spraying for roaches during the lunch rush…

Unlike my co-workers, the guy spraying for roaches gets results.

The roaches started coming out to die in the salad bar. They were big suckers too. Convulsing on the ice lettuce and cucumber slices.

That’s when I left.

I was relieved to get back to the office.

…I can’t believe I just said that.

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ottos-pencil
Just had a conversation with Otto. Where do they keep the aspirin around here?

Me: Hey, Otto-maton.

Otto: I don’t find that funny, Alan.

Me: Sorry. Can I borrow a pencil?

Otto: A pencil?

Me: Yeah, you know, the lead filled…

Otto: I know what a pencil is.

Me: Great. Can I borrow one?

Otto: You don’t have your own?

Me: Uh, no…

Otto: What happened to your pencils?

Me: I’m not sure. I just need a pencil and there aren’t any in the supply cabinet.

Otto: Have you looked under your desk?

Me: Yeah, Otto. I’ve done a pretty exhaustive search.

Otto: Funny how pencils are going missing. I wonder if someone is taking them home?

Me: Maybe. Hard to say. So, can I grab a pencil?

(Pause)

Otto: I can’t help you.

Me: Excuse me?

Otto: I have 3 pencils. If I loan you one, I’ll only have 2.

Me: And…

Otto: And, I like to have at least 2 back up pencils.

(Deep breath. Try to smile.)

Me: Sounds sensible, but I just need it for a minute.

Otto: I don’t think so. You’re obviously not very careful with them.

Me: It’s just a pencil, Otto.

Otto: Perhaps, but I don’t see why I should be penalized for your carelessness.

Me: Otto, just lend me a pencil.

Otto: Sorry, but if I lend you one, I set a dangerous precedent. Next thing I know people are asking me for staples, post it notes, pens…

(Rub throbbing temples. Accept defeat.)

Me: Fine….

Otto: Maybe you should get a pencil case… To help you organize…

Me: Thanks, Otto…

Otto: Or write your name on them…

Me: Okay, Otto…

(Return to desk. Make mental note to come in early tomorrow and hide Otto’s chair.)

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