Posts Tagged ‘complaining coworkers’

There’s one common issue in every office I’ve ever worked in…

It’s not the gossip, not the office romances, not the stereotypical boss from Hell.

It’s the endless debate about whether the office is too hot or too cold. And it’s no different here at Hamish Industries.

There are two warring factions: the “it’s too hot” crowd and the “it’s too cold” clan.

The “it’s too hot” crowd sit and fan themselves with file folders. They talk about the sweltering heat. They use the phrase “modern day sweatshop” a lot.

The most radical members of this group are mostly overweight. Or menopausal. Or both.

The “it’s too cold” clan pile on extra sweaters, have blankets draped over their laps and desk-side electric heaters. They talk about Hell having frozen over.

The ultra radicals in this clan tend to be skinny and live alone with their stuffed cats.

It got to the point where there was an ongoing battle between the hots and the nots.

The hots kept cranking up the air conditioning until you could see your breath. The nots would then fire up the heat and turn the office into a tropical rain forest.

Pretty soon, people were standing guard at the thermostat – defending the current temperature. The others would lie in wait and as soon as the guard left their post – BANG – a 40 degree temperature shift.

Ultimately, Clark stepped in and laid down the law. He set the temperature at 70 degrees and locked up the thermostat.

No one’s happy but it stopped the arguments.

In fact, the hots and the nots are getting along better now… Now that they have a common enemy in Clark.

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Arrive at work to find Farook from Accounting measuring my cubicle. He looks trapped. Trapped in my cubicle.

I say “Good morning, Farook.”

He says my cube is 3 square inches wider than his. And that I’m late.

I was hoping for “Good morning, Alan.”

Email from Farook. We need to talk about my cubicle. Something about “favoritism” and “standards.”


Farook arrives at my cubicle. He asks if I got his email. I say “Yes.” He sighs painfully. I smile politely. He storms off.

I’m in the bathroom. Next thing I know, Farook is standing behind me. He demands to speak about my extra 3 inches. I suggest this might not be the appropriate venue and zip up quickly.

Farook enters my cube and takes some digital photos.

Back from lunch to discover Farook in my cubicle with Trudy from Human Resources and my boss, Clark. Clark looks tired and annoyed. There is a lot of measuring and debate.

Email from Farook telling me that none of this is personal. He trusts I understand.

Memo from Trudy. Customer service cubicles are being reconfigured due to “irregularities.” Workers arrive Monday. We are advised to box files, disconnect computers and be prepared for minor inconveniences next week.

Revised floor plan arrives from Trudy.

Near riot as staff argue about changes to the cubes. Typhoid Mildred calls Farook a “bleeding eedjit.” Nutless Tom laughs. Mary Margaret cries. Otto demands to be moved closer to the washroom. Pandemonium ensues…

Turns out the only two who aren’t affected by the move – me and Farook.

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