Archive for the ‘Staff -Typhoid Mildred’ Category

I wore a dark blue shirt to work today.

Thought I looked respectable enough.

But when Typhoid Mildred saw me, she shook her head.

According to Mildred, the original Mr. Hamish always wore a white shirt and a simple black tie.

Mr. Hamish didn’t need to wear flashy blue colours and “prance about like a sherry drinking, nancy-boy.”

Mr. Hamish was a man of substance. He was a leader. He was a man who understood windows and doors.

I would hope so. It’s not like they’re complicated subjects. They open. They close. You walk through one and look through the other.

Mildred sure was fond of old Mr. Hamish. She talked about his solid chin, good posture and Scottish work ethic.

She has a picture of him on her desk.

She told me that when Mr. Hamish died they opened a door in Heaven.

A Hamish door, no doubt.

She said “Half of the men in business today are weak chinned, shiftless layabouts. And the other half are bloody preening peacocks.”

I’m not sure which camp she’s placed me in. My guess is both.

The original Mr. Hamish died 20 years ago and his sons sold the business before they could get him in the ground.

But she didn’t mention that.

So tomorrow, I wear a white shirt. For Mildred. And for the original Mr. Hamish.

What the Hell. I’ve got lots of white shirts.

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I admit it. Curiosity got the best of me. I couldn’t help myself.

I had to find out if any of the people I work with have any kind of “web presence.”

I wanted to find out more about them without actually having to talk to them.

The results were… Interesting.

Typhoid Mildred.

Not surprisingly, Mildred isn’t heavily into the whole social networking aspect of the World Wide Web.

She’s not LinkedIn, there’s no Facebook or MySpace page for Mildred.

And if I said “Hey Mildred, can I Twitter you?” she’d probably kick me in the nuts.

I doubt she even has a computer at home. Mildred calls the one she has here a “typewriter.” I take that as a pretty good indication she’s not all that “tech savvy.”

But her name does come up as a member of the local Robbie Burns Appreciation Society. The other members are Maggie and Molly.

It’s a small group.

Curious bit of trivia: All three members of the local Robbie Burns Appreciation Society are women whose first names start with the letter “M.”

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I didn’t expect a great job.  Not even a good one.  And I definitely didn’t expect Mildred McClellan.

Mildred is the senior customer service representative here at Hamish Industries. I’m not sure if “senior” refers to her age or her time with the company – or both.

All I know is she’s my orientation buddy.

Mildred is a tiny thing with a booming Scottish accent. That takes getting used to. She has two cushions on her chair just to get her propped up to desk level.

Her cubicle is a shrine to Hamish Industries. From the 1950’s Hamish Industries print ads on her walls to the Hamish Industries coffee mug, key chain, and chachkes on her desk – it’s all Hamish all the time with her.

“I had a mastectomy on Thursday and was back to work on Monday.”

Honest to God, that’s the first thing she said to me. Apparently, dragging yourself in after having a body part removed is expected around here.

She said that colds, flues or other “wee ailments” never stopped her from getting to work.

From now on I’m calling her “Typhoid Mildred.”

Just not to her face.

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