Just had lunch with Otto.
Where do they keep the antacids around here?
Int. Fast Food Restaurant – Day
Alan and Otto sitting in booth. They’ve just finished eating their burgers and fries.
Me: So, Otto-mobile.
Otto: I don’t find that funny, Alan.
Me: Sorry. Can you pass me a napkin?
Otto: A napkin?
Me: Yeah, you know, for wiping your mouth.
Otto: I know what a napkin is.
Me: Great. Can you pass me one?
Otto: You don’t have your own?
Me: Uh, no…
Otto: What happened to your napkins?
Me: I forgot to get them. Luckily you grabbed some napkins. So, can you ‘lend’ me one?
Otto: Are you sure you don’t have any napkins? Have you looked under your tray?
Me: Yeah, Otto. I’ve done a pretty exhaustive search.
Otto: I can’t help you.
Me: Excuse me?
Otto: I have 3 napkins. If I loan you one, I’ll only have 2.
Otto: And, I like to have at least 2 back up napkins.
Me: Sounds sensible, but… Come on, Otto.
Otto: I don’t think so.
Me: Otto, just give me a napkin.
Otto: Sorry, but if I give you one, I set a dangerous precedent. Next thing I know you’ll be asking me for a few fries and then a bite of my cheeseburger and a sip of my strawberry shake …
Otto: Maybe you should get a napkin holder… To help you organize…
Me: Thanks, Otto…
Otto: Or monogrammed napkins…
Me: Okay, Otto…