9.15am: Mike enters my cube. He sits on my desk. He shows me a picture of his daughter. He calls her “My little angel.”
She looks around 17 and has a cigarette hanging from her mouth.
9.30am: Mike’s still talking about his daughter. Along with being his little angel, she’s also whip smart, funny as hell, a high school dropout and pregnant.
9.41am: Mike leaves. Apparently he has to take an El Grande Dumpo.
9.57am: I hear Mike yelling “Don’t go in the men’s room! I just dropped an El Dumpo Supremo!”
10.15am: Mike asks me if I want to go “power drinking” with him tonight.
I politely decline. We have the following conversation.
Mike: Come on!
Me: No thanks.
Mike: Come on!!
Me: Maybe some other –
Mike: Come on!!!
Me: Not tonight.
Mike: Puss-y!!!!
11.16am: Mike enters my cube. He tells me he used to do well with the ladies. He spares me no details.
11.58am: Mike says he’s going to get his coat and then “we’re having lunch together.”
12.pm – 1pm: I hide behind the bank of photocopiers and eat my lunch. No sign of Mike.
1.42pm: I watch Mike steal a handful of change from the coffee kitty. He sticks the coins in his pocket, scratches his balls and laughs.
2.57pm: Mike says, “There you are. Come on. I’m going for a smoke break.”
3.19pm: I don’t smoke. But now I smell like I do.
4.00pm: Email from Mike. It says we’ll start tonight’s power drinking at a place called Strippy McNudes.
4.43pm: I leave early. As the elevator doors close behind me, I hear Mike shout out “Puss-y!”
Sick Days 