Since I’ve been working here, people have been trying to come up with a nickname for me.
I’ve tried convincing them not to. But the more I say “Just call me Alan” the more they insist on calling me anything but.
Their first choice was Alpo.
I said “I’m not really an ‘Alpo’ kind of a guy. Just call me Alan.”
They started calling me Alpo.
My nickname phenomenon kicked into overdrive the day I wore a blue shirt to work.
Farook started calling me Blue Boy.
I thought that was bad until Mike put a clever spin on it and started calling me Blue Balls.
In a surprising move of jocularity, Typhoid Mildred “improved” my new nickname to Blue Balls the Clown.
It stuck. But then, for some inexplicable reason, it started to get abbreviated.
First it was B.B. The Clown, then it was BB Clown Boy, then BB Clown and finally, BBC.
I didn’t mind BBC. I guess it showed.
It was back to Alpo…
A few hours later it was shortened to Al. That quickly turned into Alligator and by the end of the day I was known as Alligator Pie.
Then it was Pie Head, followed by The Pied Piper of Hamish, then The Pied Piper of Sales and then Knobby McSales Tool.
That all changed the day I showed up wearing ray bans.
Then I became Ray Gun Truitt.
About a week later that morphed into Alpha Ray Truitt. Somewhere along the way it became Alpha Truitt, then Alphagetti and finally… Alpo.
My name is Alan.
Unless you work at Hamish Industries.