Today I found out there’s a Hamish Industries Softball Team.
I’ve got nothing against softball. Or company teams.
But this is Hamish Industries.
I don’t want to spend more time with these people. Especially when they’re sweaty and carrying bats.
So, no way.
But the gang here wasn’t taking “no way” for an answer.
It was a three stage assault to get me to team up… And it wasn’t subtle.
People would come up to my desk and ask…
1. If I knew there was a company softball team.
Later, they’d show up and wonder if…
2. I’d seen the company softball sign up form by the coffee station.
3. Why hadn’t I signed up for the company softball team.
So, I started thinking up excuses. I knew I’d need a good one. I put together a list. They included:
A fractured coccyx
My boycott of the diamond industry and all things diamond related
I get a rash from baseball caps
I finally settled on, “I’d love to, but I stink at sports.”
My status in the office, which has never been high, plummeted.
Still, I was okay with being the Office Leper. It’s not like I had to wear a bell around my neck.
Later, as I was going to my cube, I heard Farook shout “Alan! Heads up!”
I turned around to see a wadded up paper ball flying toward my head. Like an idiot, I caught it.
There was a cheer.
I unfolded the paper. It was the sign up form. And my name was on it.