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Archive for April 8th, 2009

sick-days-lunch-room-naline
I spent 60 minutes in the lunchroom with Naline today.

I learned all kinds of things about her.

Naline says whatever’s on her mind. It’s one of those characteristics that sounds admirable in theory. But in practice… not so much.

Did you know that Naline has a yeast infection? I do. And apparently it’s “a really bad one!”

Hey, if I don’t tell you, she will. And if you’re unlucky, she’ll tell you while you’re eating a tuna sandwich.

I asked her to pass the salt and she told me that she’s had breast enhancements. I decided against asking for the pepper.

Apparently she had her breasts done in order to look more like her hero, Dolly Parton.

Every summer, Naline makes the pilgrimage to her Mecca, Dollywood.

She’s also planning on dying her red hair blonde in order to look more “Dolly-esque.” She wants to be a Dolly Parton impersonator.

Then she told me her dad was in jail. And that her sister is divorced but is “still hot.” I also learned that her boyfriend has herpes – in both places, and that she’s a recovering alcoholic.

I said she didn’t need to impersonate a country-western singer. It sounds like she has all the material needed to write her own hit songs.

She burst out laughing and gently punched me on the shoulder. Apparently I have a great sense of humor.

Next she said that she hated Otto and had a crush on Clark.

Then she told me she had problems with “boundaries.”

I’d never have guessed.

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