Goth Mark from the mailroom was at my desk constantly after he gave me his band’s CD, Mark and The Stigmatas.
“Have you listened to it yet?” Day in. Day out.
So I broke down and listened to it.
Mark sings in Goth falsetto. His band sounds like a wind up toy. His lyrics are mostly about blood, the bible, and boobs. Mainly boobs.
The next time I saw him, he asked “Have you listened to it yet?”
I said yes. I said it was interesting. I said it was great that they could play all those instruments at the same time. I said a lot of thing that didn’t make sense.
He looked skeptical. Did I have a favourite track?
I said “…All of them.”
He raised a pierced eyebrow and pursed his lips. I’m not sure if that’s Goth for “You’ve hurt my feelings” but I think it is.
After that, he stopped dropping by my desk to talk about his band. He stopped talking altogether. Just pushed his cart around in silence. He looked like a wounded Goth puppy.
So down to the mailroom I went.
He seemed surprised to see me. They all did. Apparently no one ever goes there.
I made some excuse about wanting to pick up my mail and then said “I was listening to your CD again last night. Your band had a lot of potential. It’s too bad you broke up.”
He actually smiled. Then he told me they were back together. And have never sounded better. Apparently they now have a “Surf Goth” sound.
Turns out I’m going to see them this Friday.
Sick Days 
C’mere Alan… you’ve got something on your forehead. Looks like the word sucker. LOL 😉
I know. It’s true. I’m already thinking of excuses to get out of it.
😉
I think I’ve been pushing my blogs in the same manner. Except with mom pants, dirty hair and food on my shirt.
That would make you more of a heavy metal mom, I think.
Can I get a power chord for jessica o?
Just couldn’t leave well enough alone, eh? You should know that a goth is happiest when his feelings are hurt. You’ve just gone and made a lot of trouble at this point.
I had no choice, it’s “Be Kind to Goths Week.”
I’ve found it is always best to be distant and indifferent with people I work with for this very reason.
And I NEVER go down to the mail room.
Smart plan, webiegal… On the upside, now I know what the 9th circle of Hell looks like.
😉
You are such a push over! ;o) I don’t even know where my mail room is. I should make field trip plans and find it. Thanks for the idea Goth aficionado!
Hah! For your field trip, bring the following:
a camera
a map
a packed lunch
a blowgun
a cross
and…
salt!
You forgot salt for us non-Christian types. =P
See above!
😉
ROFL!!!
what the eff is the blowgun for?
Hmmm, not sure I thought that one through…
🙂
Hunting Goths? That seems barbaric. Although, since we are on a cartoon riff… Myabe if it was Elmer Fudd hunting them.
Elmer (to camera, index finger to mouth): “Shhh, be vewy, vewy qwiet. I’m hunting Goths. It’s Goth season. Haw haw haw…”
lol! Maybe you can fake a coronary? and then your blood can refuse to coagulate?
Or you can tell him you were busy getting ordained… and then show him a crucifix and send him screaming back into the bowels of the mail room…
What a hoot! The “Otto Vampire Slayer” approach!
🙂
Is he one of those guys who cuts himself on stage? They’re always a pleasant bunch.
They are, aren’t they? 🙂
Mike, unless I can think up a good excuse to get out of this, I will soon be able to answer your question.
🙂
Total pushover… 😉
Those Goths must have some kind of mind control powers…
That’s got to be it…
Had a similar thing happen to me at work. When he asked how I liked it, I said the music sounds great, the words are there…it’s just your singing sounds like a screaching owl.
He never asked me to come to a show.
Haha! Send in a resume!!!
🙂
A Goth orchestra on Good Friday in the Xian calendar, no way.
May I suggest that on Thursday, aka Maunday Thursday, you rush to the basement and blubber about having found a weird stigmata on your privates and the earliest you can see a ‘man of god’ is Friday evening to have the organ prayed over and the blemish removed.
Or not, up to you, any better calls anyone…
dave
Nice dave!
I think this excuse is brilliantly twisted enough for him to believe… Let’s just hope he doesn’t ask to see my stigmata!
🙂
Surf Goth? Does that mean they’re doing a Cramps kinda thing? Or a Sisters of Mercy meets Dick Dale kind of thing? These are important questions.
Very important questions indeed, Kali!
My guess… Bauhaus meets The Beach Boys.
Can you imagine?
“I wish they all could be Béla Lugosi girls!”
Finally a Bauhaus reference. Now We Dance.
St. Vitus Dance!
🙂
Eek.
Agreed!
🙂
oh alan… and wah-la! here is your softer side. so nice of you to take interest in something that does not interest you. 😉
so friday night… shall we see you with shades of grey tinted around your eyes with a pale fascade and resonance of blue mascara, zippered up in a leather one piece suit and laced calf high boots… hmmmmmmmm???
please put that picture (mentioned above for friday night dress) up with the dog head, thank you. i expect to see a post saturday morning of your bone crushing night.
😀
Helen, that is a very potent image you describe, I almost felt sorry for Mark… sorry alantru.
dave
That’s okay, dave.
Made me wonder if there was such a thing as a “Near Sympathy Card.”
🙂
LOL
i went completely extreme “marilyn manson type goth” with my imagination…
i do that with my imagination – total extreme! 😀
And you do it very well, I might add!
🙂
*gulp*
That’s quite the image you’ve painted, Helen…
No, I will be the lone guy in the well pressed suit (with tie) saying things to the Goths like, “Hey sport, let’s turn that frown upside down, shall we?” and “Have you considered colors other than black?” and, of course, “Excuse me, but I think you just vomited on my shoes…”
*exhale*
whew… didn’t think that was you, but hey… it’s good you try everything once.
😉
🙂
Maybe I’ll break down and wear a “Siouxsie and the Banshees” t-shirt underneath my shirt and jacket.
oh alan. we all have our things. i carry a ski mask in my glove compartment. i know, i know… you’re thinking, what a lunatic, but that’s clearly not the case. it’s because i’m half ninja and couldn’t find the real outfit anywhere! 😉
Oh no, Helen, no, no, I wasn’t thinking lunatic… I was thinking you were using it to rob convenience stores (good thing Ram moved outta town!) and/or liquor stores…Until I came to my senses.
🙂
But half ninja, well, no, that sounds perfectly reasonable to me… Can I get a half ninja Hi-yah!
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….
one of my secret prejudices is that all asian people secretly know martial arts… and it’s been justified. 😀
Everything I know about ninjas, I learned from these kids…
😀 Awesome!!! Thanks!!!
I’m actually more of a samurai jack or samurai champloo warrior… maybe i’m more half-samurai. Hmmmm?
Hah. Thanks for the intro to samurai jack. Never heard of him before! Looks cool!
Surf Goth? Don’t they explode when exposed to sunlight? Better wear a poncho, Alan.
Hahahaha. Exploding Goths? Whoa!
I’m thinking hazmat suit!
Cheers Wondergoon!
Here’s a checklist that might help:
Crucifix
Garlic
Stake
Silver Bullet (Just in case.. Do you carry a concealed?)
Change of clothes
Parka (In case somethin explodes)
Deodorant
Shoe polish
Air Horn
Ear plugs
Designer sunglasses
Don’t forget to paint your nails black and write your will.
Good Luck Alan!
That’s great, Archie.
Thanks. It’s a very thorough list. I’m particularly intrigued by the air horn! Would never have thought of that!
🙂
Don’t forget to get a Brazilian wax before you head out. These vampires are as horny as dolphins.
Riot.
😉
LOL!!! Poor Mark. But then again…
He could use some pomegranate and mango soft-soap to clean all the make-up off his skin.
🙂
Yes, that would be perfect!! With the moisture beads to clean it up really well.
For all we know, Goth Mark may clean up real good!
😛
Sounds like something my son would listen to.
In any event, maybe Mark can move his music to a video game, where it doesn’t really matter what plays in the background.
Then again, it might be the perfect fit.
Cheers G,
I suspect that if I suggest this to Mark (and I agree it could be a good fit) he’ll probably expect me to start thinking of video game concepts that would be a good fit for his, um, music. Seems to be his M/O. That’s why I’ve decided to stop encouraging him.
😉
OMG Adam,
Were this not 2009, I would swear Goth Mark from the mailroom was my son – using a fictitious name!
Backtracking some 30-years, the baby we so coveted (after losing a son and adopting a baby) was like a well deserved prize for us… Then, somewhere along the line, he turned into “Goth Mark” piercing various places of his body and tattooing his ENTIRE arm – the little arm that I so carefully bathed, fearing that I might hurt him ever so slightly – a risk I would not take lightly… The adopted child – a joy in every way – loves him unconditionally, and encourages the music, weird dress, and various piercing – even though he should be playing with some Philharmonic Orchestra, somewhere – but no, he’s content with delighting his sister and breaking my heart.
Okay, he’s cleaning up some now that he’s “Over 30,” and even has a real job, but that damn tattoo is forever!
Bless you Adam for your kindness to my son – err, I mean Mark…
Sally P 😦
You’re very welcome indeed, Sally. Thank you very much for sharing. Always so nice to see you.
(P.S. Last time I checked, my name was Alan.) 🙂
Enquiring minds (ok, just moi) are dying to know what part of your body is being pierced on Friday morning, in preparation for your outing?
Eeep…
“All of them?”
Oh dear… I never even thought of that! Maybe by going to the club, I’ll have pierced the veil of the Goth sub culture. Yes, it’ll have to metaphoric piercing for me…
Dear Alan!
I APOLOGIZE!
You see how verclamped am I, just thinking about my son?
Seriously, I was thinking about American Idol tonight and my FAV performer, Adam Lambert…
I promise, it won’t happen again!
Sally P 🙂
No excuses SallyP, you were thinking of the original Goth, Adam Ant?
I know, your grandparents told you about him…
dave
🙂
And here I was thinking it was more of a biblical reference.
Poor Adam Ant, it really turned out rather badly for him, didn’t it?
That’s totally okay, Sally!
🙂
Our younger friends may wish to peruse at;
to see what AA used to look like (OMG, back in 1981, nearly three decades.)
dave
Cheers dave,
It’s tough for pirates these days.
http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1472603/20030612/story.jhtml
Although, I am told that Adam is on the comeback trail.
alantru.
Despite it being my area of specialism, psychy, I had not seen that about AA going ‘doolally tap’ back in 2003.
(That’ll get them wondering)
dave
“Mark sings in Goth falsetto. His band sounds like a wind up toy. His lyrics are mostly about blood, the bible, and boobs. Mainly boobs.”
– Ironic that a man who sings falsetto has an infatuation with boobs.
Surely a mistake?
hey there jesusbudda,
My guess? The falsetto probably has a lot to do with his way too tight leather pants.
As a fellow sister-in-black, I can only sympathise with Mark and his gothic calling.
That said, the only music I ever made was on a tambourine at the back of the school orchestra. Thankfully, it never made it to CD.
Cheers womaninblack (aka: sister-in-black)
There’s something delightfully incongruous about the image of a Goth with a tambourine.
You know, some Goths just want to be liked. It’s the pursed lips that give them away; no one that purses their lips can be all bad – it’s the grandma in them.
Goth Surf reminds me of this:
http://www.meshuggabeachparty.com/meshugga/index.htm
I am not of the Hebraic persuasion and cannot claim to understand much of the ‘in-humour’ of this ensemble, but their music absolutely rocks.
Thanks for the link,
dave
You are so welcome, Dave. Whether or not you’re Jewish, it’s the incongruity that is so intriguing.
I’ve spent a most enjoyable 40 minutes or so this evening (in England it is about 8.30pm) listening to the short snippets of their work available on the website. The sound is enjoyable, but there was something else I couldn’t put a finger on until I watched the videos.
You have got it, the incongruity is the key.
Have you ever seen them live?
Excellent link, many thanks.
Sorry alantru, we have temporarily kidnapped your blog on this. Take it as a compliment to the quality of your readers.
dave
🙂
dave, if you haven’t, you should check out Pamela’s blog.
Pamela, if you haven’t, you check out dave’s.
I have you bossship sir!!! (and well worth a look it is, mine and hers).
dave
😉
Truer words were never spoken.
Ah, the often overlooked “grandma in the Goth.” Thank you, Pamela, for reminding us of the softer side of the gentle folk in black who listen to such bands as “Alien Sex Fiend” “Flesh for Lulu” and “Skeletal Family”
🙂
Love the link!
you could embarrass your goth co-worker by going dressed in some white country western outfit. you would really stand out in the mass of goth darkness.
Ah! A very clever plan, lisleman. Dresed as the heroic urban cowboy in white, I can’t help but wonder if the Goths would even let me in.
🙂
I’ll be frank with you Mr. Truitt, this so-called office of yours is not like any office I’v ever worked in. Your sophomoric and puerile attempts at humour mock the very foundation of our market economy.
One wonders if you even have a real job, or are you sitting around your abode in sweats and pink slippers making fun of people who actually do work.
Shame on you sir, shame on you.
Mort Weems
Regional Manager
Atlas Shrimp Deveining
🙂
Dr. Mr. Weems,
Let us set the record straight. (We’ll try this again, Mort!)
Eights years ago, I had a summer job. I worked at Atlas Shrimp Deveining with you. There was an “incident” on the line… You were fired.
Since that time you have, despite the warnings from my lawyers continued to harass and intimidate me.
Let me please remind you again of their warnings and also offer you this gentle reminder… You no longer work at Atlas Shrimp, and even when you did, you were never The Regional Manager.
All Best,
Alan Truitt
Someone should tell Mark that “Stigmata” is plural. “Stigma” is the singular (and people wonder why I never date).
Hey Gryphon!
Yes, it’s true, I’m following you!
🙂
I’d tell him, but then he’d pout. And there’s something sadly disturbing about a pouting Goth.
LOL… the rewards of being polite!
I should have asked him “Are you a good Goth or a bad Goth!”
😛