I arrive at the office knowing my first April Fools’ Day at Hamish Industries will be…
a) harmless enough
b) extremely predictable
At my desk and preparing for the hilarious jokes to come.
Still waiting. But I know they’re coming…
Any second now. Oh, another thing about these jokes. They never change. Ever. Seriously.
Otto stands at my desk with a serious expression on his face. He says we’re all about to lose our jobs. He giggles but quickly regains his composure.
1 second later:
Office etiquette requires me to gasp and say something like “Oh my God, no!”
2 seconds later:
I gasp and say “Oh my God, no!”
Otto busts a gut and yells “April Fools.”
Typhoid Mildred is at my desk. I get ready for a slightly different scenario.
She says “Ya hear? The office is moving to Mexico.”
“Oh my God, no!”
She laughs, points her finger at me, “Ya bloody April Fool!”
An email from Mary Margaret. It reads: “Alan, I just heard we’re being bought out by Layton Doors and Windows.”
I type back, “Oh my God, no!”
She writes back, “April Fool! lol!”
…Thankfully it winds down by noon.
Just once I’d like to hear something remotely interesting. I’d like Otto to tell me that he’s quitting Hamish Industries to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming an acrobat in the circus. That he is leaving to join a high wire team of lusty daredevils and will be touring Albania while he sharpens his chops and perfects his craft.
And just once, I’d like it to be true.
April Fools. Or not.