Our photocopier breaks down regularly. Almost daily in fact.
And our photocopy repair guy is a barrel of laughs.
His name is Baltazar. He has dark circles under his eyes, a scowl that could make children weep tears of blood, and from what I’ve seen, one shirt.
I feel badly for him. He seems profoundly angry. Maybe it’s because he’s asked to fixed the same photocopier over and over and over again.
And yet for all his fury, Baltazar is a miracle worker.
I’ve made it a habit to avoid him.
But today I needed photocopies. And there he was, fixing the obviously dead photocopier.
His photocopy machine repair methods included pounding on it with his fists, swearing a blue streak, and then making noises that some might describe as speaking in tongues.
After delivering several blows to the machine with a rubber hammer and then putting in the boot, he put his head on top of it and sighed heavily.
I asked him how he was doing.
He looked me over like I was something he’d just dug out of his ear and said: “My lungs are thick with the stink of toner and my eyes burn under the light of the photocopier. I’ve poured my lifeblood into this building and in return I’m forced to chat with idiots. My back is sore, my balls are swollen, and my son wants to write screenplays.”
Then he made a kind of barking noise and pounded on the photocopier – and just like that it kicked back to life.
Another Baltazar miracle.
Sick Days 
we have an Asian copier repair guy — everytime he shows up at the door, someone asks “who ordered Chinese?”
How is he with that?
🙂
What’s wrong with writing screenplays that has him in the dumps. Sell one and daddy is set up.
Baltazar thinks most people who toil away writing screenplays never have them produced. The poor naive fool… Oh, wait a minute…
bearmancartoons:
An addition: As mentioned to Mike (below) Maybe if he writes a screenplay about an action hero photocopy repair man, he can win his dad over…
Alan…I think we can call each other by our first names now. Bearman will do. ha ha
Ha ha. You got it, Bearman!
😉
What a monologue from Baltazar! It’s better than Rutger Hauer at the end of Blade Runner.
He has a way with diatribes and a way with photocopiers.
His son wants to write screenplays? There goes the family name.
Maybe if he writes one about an action hero photocopy repair man, he can win his dad over…
Hi Alan,
Okay, this is hitting too close to home – you see, i married our office, “Baltazar!” He was a nice guy from (the former) Yugoslavia, who could actually “make” parts for the 1960s antiquated copier. I was impressed, married him, bore a couple of kids – and then he went home to the “old country” to fight in the war there – so he said…
Can’t trust these copier guys Alan… Good instinct there…
Hey Sally,
Was that you last you saw of him…?
Speaking in tongues over the photocopier.
I’ve seen that done by a roomful of people to multiply the effect of their incantations.
dave
cheers dave,
Please videotape and send — it sounds like an office ritual that is filled with all kinds of marvelous sociological value. We can only learn from them when we understand them!
😉
We have a couple of machines at our office that constantly go out… Maybe we need a Balthazar to inhale a bit of our toner.
He he he…
Good news sogottahurt! Toner huffing Baltazar is available and ready to help miraculously solve all your photocopying needs.
The name Balthazar is worth it’s weight in gold or toner whichever is heavier.
Hey katherinthegreat,
I can alway send him after Ms. Stutter. Just say the word…
he needs to be like southpark’s chef is with food… “make love to the copier… respect the copier… caress the copier… sing sweet nothings to the copier… yeah baby…”
i think then balthazar will find purpose. and the machines will love him back… lalalalalala… issac hayes… 😉
Hahaha. Nice, Helen!
I’ll run it by him. Maybe instead of speaking in tongues he can try singing in tongues. Or making musical barking sounds…
[…] Sick Days added an interesting post on Baltazar The Strange Photocopy Repair GuyHere’s a small excerptOur photocopier breaks down regularly. Almost daily in fact. And our photocopy repair guy is a barrel of laughs. His name is Baltazar. He has dark circles under his eyes, a scowl that could make children weep tears of blood, and from what I’ve seen, one shirt. I feel badly for him. He seems profoundly angry. Maybe it’s because he’s asked to fixed the same photocopier over and over and over again. And yet for all his fury, Baltazar is a miracle worker. I’ve made it a habit to avoid […]
Balthazar was anecdotally one of the Magi who came bearing the gifts–frankincense, myrrh, and toner.
Ha ha ha.
For some reason very few people ever talk about the gift of toner…
All right, fundamentjelly! So, to recap: That’s references to Dickens, Rasputin, and now The bible… (Specifically The Gospel of Matthew, I’m assuming…?)
LOL. Toner, like the Holy Spirit, is greatly misunderstood.
Regarding the references, I admit to being a bookworm, but mostly its just proof that wikipedia is making posers of us all.
Baltazar. The song.
wow that name is making me laugh….
His name is probably the only thing about Baltzar that’s funny! Well, that and his barking sounds…
😉
I was wondering if Baltazar could come by our office some afternoon if he has some free time. We’re having a little trouble with our machine, too.
Hi Wendy,
And thanks for dropping by.
Absolutely he can drop by to perform his photocopier miracles. FYI: He likes to be paid in cash, and if he gets too excited, toss him a piece of raw flank steak – that always calms him down.
Mum says that when you hit something to fix it, that its called “Sonic Reverberation Repair”. She fixes the tv all the time!
Bob
Your mum never ceases to amaze, Bob! 🙂
Nice to see you and thanks for dropping by!
Oh, this reminds me of all the frustrating appliances I’ve dealt with! I hate when I something breaks and I fiddle with it and kick it for an exhausting amount of time, and then have to get someone, and they kick it just like I did… and then it works.
Life!
Shanshanigans
Hey there shanshanigans,
It’s really something, isn’t it? You can spend hours (or days even) trying to get it sorted out and then someone else walks in, presses one button and the problem is solved! I’m almost left saying “How did you do that?” Of course, most of here folks don’t like to give away their secrets. And who could blame them, I guess…
I find people named Baltazaar are either copier repair guys or demons in various tv shows… its a good combination if you ask me.
Nice to see you as always, Alex L.,
It is a good combination. In fact, we could use, no, we NEED more TV shows about demon copier repair guys!
I’ll start writing the theme song.
I’m so glad we don’t have the problems you seem to with your copier. Ours are all “in house” problems. That is, one of my *cough* brilliant *cough* bosses will lean around the wall that hides the copier/printer/scanner from view and say, “Hey K there’s something wrong with this machine.” So I then wander over and find one of the following to be the problem:
A. Tray 1 is out of paper and he’s too g-d lazy to turn around and grab a ream off the shelf and insert into the tray.
B. He’s tried yet again to make copies with the top loader and pages still stapled together.
C. He can’t remember that you need to choose a destination folder for the scanning (even though he might’ve done the exact same thing 2 hours ago or even two days ago).
D. The size of what he’s copying is smaller than a standard sheet of paper so it beeps its confusion and he thinks there’s more wrong than merely the need to tell the copier what size paper you want it copied onto.
E. Well… you get the idea.
Having said that, though, I have had to put in a service call for random dots now being printed on every page. At leat this time I thought to clean off everything prior to calling, unlike last time with the centre line printing that I could’ve managed by cleaning the stupid glass. *rolls eyes*
Good to see you Skatha and thanks for dropping by.
I think we need to get Baltazar and his rubber hammer over there – to fix your boss!
😉
Would you really?? I’d be EVER so greatful.
He’s on his way!
From “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang:
Harry: Umm, clearly I’m interrupting. I feel badly. Let me… What are you drinking?
Harmony: Bad.
Harry: Bad? Sorry… feel…?
Harmony: You feel bad.
Harry: Bad?
Harmony: Badly is an adverb. So to say you feel badly would be saying that the mechanism which allows you to feel is broken.
At last, my own personal editor. I feel goodly about this.
🙂
Thanks Kiss Kiss Grammar Grammar…
But can it not be used as an adjective as in “sorry”?
eg: I feel badly about your reaction to my remark.
Harmony is right, creepy maybe, but correct. In your example, you would just feel bad. As in, I feel bad that somebody felt the need to correct your grammar on your blog.
You’re a scholar and a gentleman, fundamentaljelly – plus you’re a very funny guy.
But I still remain a tad confused (business as usual with me). If the word “badly” can be used as an adjective – as our nice friend Mr. Webster says it can – then why can’t it be used in this sentence?
My understanding is that if the word in question answers the question “how,” then it functions as an adverb.
If the word in question applies to the senses (taste, look, smell, feel, etc.), then the ‘ly’ is not added. Since you were not feeling Baltazar with your fingers (or whatever), then you are not using the word as related to the senses.
So, and really, I am not a Nazi about this stuff, the word “bad” in this context is the most correct. Wait, now I’m confused, thanks alot.
My pleasure… You might want to go to the kitchen cabinet and take some aspirin before your read this… 🙂
I’m not using it as an adverb. I’m using it as an adjective.
If I say “I feel badly about your reaction to my remark” which the dictionary tells me is legit, I still don’t understand why my sentence doesn’t work.
For the record: I really appreciate all your input and I feel badly about putting you through all this. (Sorry!)
Truth be told, it’s fun for me… But as my 6-year-old nephew once wisely said: “fun for some — but not for me!”
I hope the sound I hear isn’t you screaming in frustration.
😉
I think you’re both right!
Next, I bring peace to the middle east.
If anyone can, it’s you, Ram.
Wow… So that means I’m not wrong… Something I rarely hear. “I’m not wrong…” Remarkable…
I was going to say something cheeky about getting grammar notes from a movie script, but for all I know there may be a following scene where Harry straightens Harmony out…
Harry: I still feel badly.
Harmony: Bad! It’s an adverb!
Harry: It’s also an adjective, baby cakes.
Harmony: It is? Oh sweet biscuits, I love you, Harry. Please let me bear your children!
Harry: Let’s do this thing!
FADE OUT
…But I’ve never seen the movie. When it comes to “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang” the only reference point I have are these “dudes” – or should that be “is” these dudes?
Be warned – this is scary stuff!
LOL. That’s the problem, this grammar BS isn’t all that funny after all. We got hosed by KKBB.
🙂
Check out the guitarist staring at the coke can… What’s that all about?
The only reference point is…
The only reference point are…
You can figure it out methinks.
Let me get back to you on this…
🙂
I too think it is interesting and I am not screaming. It appears to hidge on the word ‘feel.’ So check out this link and see if that helps.
http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/bad-versus-badly.aspx
Cheers. Will do. Thanks so much for joining in and for all your help.
Baltazar. What a drama queen. Like you care about his problems. He doesn’t even really work there.
Hah. Don’t tell him that!
Sounds like a copier we have a work. Breaks down every week.
What makes it odd, is that its a new one that replaced the old one….that broke down every week.
Strangely enough, it picked up the old copier’s habits of breaking down.
Stranger still, it somehow stopped breaking down once it found out that all service contracts were cancelled until the new fiscal year kicks in.
Hahahha! Sentient photocopiers!
Can we borrow Baltazar?? We need him for a week!
He’s all yours, WhackyTee!
If you want to hear a reader’s feedback 🙂 , I rate this post for four from five. Decent info, but I have to go to that damn msn to find the missed parts. Thank you, anyway!