Today I had my first Performance Review with my boss, Clark.
The word “performance” is entirely appropriate because Clark has to pretend he’s interested and I have to act like I care.
It was possibly the most painful 10 minutes I’ve experienced here.
Yeah, that’s right, 10 minutes.
And that included Clark spending 5 minutes trying to locate the paperwork and making uncomfortable small talk. Clearly this isn’t one of his favourite things.
From Clark’s perspective, I am a very “satisfactory” employee…
I have “satisfactory” attendance, “satisfactory” performance and “satisfactory” work habits.
I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’m satisfied with that.
I didn’t take it personally, either… Especially since Clark had to keep peeking at his files to remember my name.
After the review came the even more painful part: Clark asked me about my “goals” and where I “want to be in 5 years.”
I was tempted to be honest and tell him that my goal was to ride out the recession and then look for meaningful employment. Or maybe buy a boat.
But that would’ve been awkward. And it doesn’t look good on the forms
So instead, I made some comments about moving up over time, gaining more experience, taking some business courses and basically committing my every waking moment to the service of Hamish Industries.
He looked relieved. Apparently that answer was fine.
In fact, it was entirely satisfactory.