You know how it is when something gets under your skin. Like a dripping faucet. Or a branch hitting a window. It’s not the sound that bugs you. It’s the repetition…
When you aren’t hearing it – you’re waiting for it.
There’s been a cube shuffle. I have a new neighbour. Naline Rioux. Naline is short and sort of cute. She has massive boobs and big red hair.
She’s also a huge country music fan…
Naline likes to sing country music songs. She doesn’t sing them loudly. That I could get behind…
Naline whisper-sings. All day long. And out of tune.
I’ve scoured our HR policies. I’ve looked through the employee assistance program. I’ll even check the Geneva Convention – because if this isn’t against company policy, it’s definitely a crime against humanity.
It got to the point where she finishes singing a song… And I sit wondering… Wondering if it’s finally over… Waiting, waiting, and then…
Jolene, Jolene…
Today I got up my nerve, went over and asked if she could please stop singing.
She said “Ha! Who? Me? Singing? No way! Was I singing?”
I said “Yes.”
She said “Wow. Sor-ry! You must think I’m nuts.”
I said something like, “Oh, you know, who isn’t around here.”
She burst out laughing. Then she gently punched me on the shoulder and promised to try and stop singing.
I said “Thanks!” and went back to my cube.
30 seconds later.
Working 9 to 5/ What a way to make a livin’…
You got that right, Naline. What a way to make a living.
Naline 4 Farook?
dave
And an office clerk to be named later!
Okay, Alan,
Mildred and I want to know, what Naline Rioux’s physical description (“Naline is short and sort of cute. She has massive boobs and big red hair”) has to do with anything? This really makes you sound rather like a male chauvinist pig – ya know?
As for the vocal problem, I’d say keep your eyes off the huge breasts, get a transistor radio with headphones, and get back to work!
Really Alan!
Sally P
My hair is brownish red. Otherwise the description is right on. I’m flattered that I continue to inspire you.
🙂 Thanks, Nag.
You’re an inspiring inspiration who continues to inspire!
It could be worse you know.
Instead of having someone who is relatively well built and sings out of tune, you could have someone who isn’t and talks about the baby/wedding/second job all day long.
And is a know-it-all that gets things incredibly wrong, no matter how many times it’s pointed out to her.
Wow, it’s really strange you should mention that. Because there IS someone like her here… She’s known as “She Who Hatches Eggs” and she’s getting married this summer… Her wedding is pretty much all she talks about – fair enough.
What’s disturbing is that her main talking points regarding her big day revolve around how there’s no way she’d invite anyone from the office to her wedding. It just hasn’t dawned on her that no one would want to go…
Her fiancé’s name is Tony. I know this because she calls him around 20 times a day to (there’s no other way to put it) nag the crap out of him in a really loud voice. “Tony, before we get married, I want you to get rid of all your t-shirts – you can keep two!” “Tony, after we get married I don’t want you to hang around with your friends. They’re losers.” “Tony, when are you going to get your dog put to sleep? You know I can’t stand it.”
There’s a group of people here who fantasize about snatching the phone from her during one of her Tony calls/diatribes and yelling into it, “Run Tony! Run away while there’s still time!”
That’s pretty sad. I feel for Tony and I don’t even know him.
As for phone calls, yeah, its a pretty constant thing with her calling fiance/mother/daycare/doctor/you name it.
It’s gotten bad enough that I’m driven from my cube at least three to five times a week, just so I can get some piece and quiet and not do my job.
Always nice to have peace and quiet not to do your work in!
not the gentle shoulder punch……
anything but the gentle shoulder punch…
“hopped out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen… poured myself a cup of ambition…” lalalalalalala…
you must know the words by now “working 9 to 5…”
Yeah, they’re pretty much burned into my brain…
😉
I keep going back and forth trying to determine if my office is more nuts than this. Even worse is that I have the coworker who can’t seem to convince her boyfriend to propose and tells us about it every day. And then makes comments like, “oh, I think he’s afraid that the sex will stop if he proposes,” and then I struggle to keep her marshmallow-in-the-microwave body out of my head. Gross. It’s sort of like Tony- I want to secretly call him and either a) scream at him to run, or b) try to figure out why he hasn’t already.
Also? I work with a Joelene. And every day when I pass her cubicle and see her nameplate I get that damned song stuck in my head.
Ha ha ha… I have to say that things definitely sound extremely nuts where you are.
The “marshmallow-in-the-microwave body” is quite an image… I’m picturing Yoda having sex… And it’s very, very disturbing.
Thanks for dropping by!