Archive for February 4th, 2009

Just had a conversation with Otto. Where do they keep the aspirin around here?

Me: Hey, Otto-maton.

Otto: I don’t find that funny, Alan.

Me: Sorry. Can I borrow a pencil?

Otto: A pencil?

Me: Yeah, you know, the lead filled…

Otto: I know what a pencil is.

Me: Great. Can I borrow one?

Otto: You don’t have your own?

Me: Uh, no…

Otto: What happened to your pencils?

Me: I’m not sure. I just need a pencil and there aren’t any in the supply cabinet.

Otto: Have you looked under your desk?

Me: Yeah, Otto. I’ve done a pretty exhaustive search.

Otto: Funny how pencils are going missing. I wonder if someone is taking them home?

Me: Maybe. Hard to say. So, can I grab a pencil?


Otto: I can’t help you.

Me: Excuse me?

Otto: I have 3 pencils. If I loan you one, I’ll only have 2.

Me: And…

Otto: And, I like to have at least 2 back up pencils.

(Deep breath. Try to smile.)

Me: Sounds sensible, but I just need it for a minute.

Otto: I don’t think so. You’re obviously not very careful with them.

Me: It’s just a pencil, Otto.

Otto: Perhaps, but I don’t see why I should be penalized for your carelessness.

Me: Otto, just lend me a pencil.

Otto: Sorry, but if I lend you one, I set a dangerous precedent. Next thing I know people are asking me for staples, post it notes, pens…

(Rub throbbing temples. Accept defeat.)

Me: Fine….

Otto: Maybe you should get a pencil case… To help you organize…

Me: Thanks, Otto…

Otto: Or write your name on them…

Me: Okay, Otto…

(Return to desk. Make mental note to come in early tomorrow and hide Otto’s chair.)

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