There are 136 emails in my inbox.
No problem, I can deal with them all in under five minutes:
136 emails.
I instantly delete all “forwarded jokes” sent to me by Mary Margaret. That leaves:
107 emails.
I delete all duplicate emails forwarded by people who don’t know how to read distribution lists. They start with the line, “not sure if you received this…” So now I have:
83 emails.
Next, I quickly delete all emails relating to social events, workplace wellness, lost eyeglasses, found eyeglasses, and complaints about old food found in the fridge. So it’s down to:
64 emails.
From there, I delete all emails from Otto. Just because he drives me around the bend. Okay, I’ve got:
57 emails.
After that, I lose corporate emails that contain information not relevant in any way, shape or form to my actual job but which are sent to everyone in order to be inclusive, transparent and share information. I’m at:
39 emails.
Next, I quickly scan the balance and delete the emails from my colleagues providing sarcastic comments on other emails. I looked for lines like “Can you believe Clark expects us to do this???!!” That takes me to:
7 emails.
Finally, I delete the ones with subject lines such as “My humble request for your loyal assistance” and “Buy the #1 diet pill!” Leaving me with:
1 email.
It’s from my mom. I’ll read it – if I know what’s good for me.
Hi Alan,
I opened my mail today, and took note: 194! (I have AOL, and I swear they sell my name.) Okay, email addresses I don’t recognize, be gone.
136 left.
At least 50 are “forwarded jokes.”
Now this is the twist – some of my friends are really funny – or at least some of the jokes they send are…
Do I want to read through 50 emails to find a humorous gem in one or two in them?
Yes.
Do I have time to do so?
No.
Solution, file them in “AOL file,” to be read, “one nice day.” (Acronym: OND.)
I have been saving such potential gems for eons…
The rest of my mail is political stuff (Yeah, I’m a closet political junkie).
Now, I have an hour or so to read that stuff, to reply, forward or delete.
More filing – I might “need” some of the info contained therein, OND…
Whoa, three “personal” emails (none from Mom – probably because she’s dead – but you never know…)
Since most of my trivial one-liners are shared with my, “fluff” friends on Facebook, these three could be “good ones;” probably quite predictable though:
My gay friend telling me all about what’s going down in the Gay community.
Reply WO sounding too envious.
A girlfriend lamenting about her unmarried pregnant daughter.
Reply WO sounding too righteous.
An unemployed friend, who has been job-searching for months now…
Reply, though I’m running out of sincere encouraging banter for her…
These required replies – will take some thought.
Gotta scoot.
Thanks for sharing our email day!
Gee, I wonder why my system is running so slowly…
All the saved mail?
Sally P
Nice system, Sally P. I will take note.
Can I turn you loose with my e-mail? When I left the office tonight I had somewhere in the range of 1,550. This does not include the messages I’ve filed for record-keeping (aka: Cover My Ass file). For some reason I can’t bring myself to delete them because you never know when you’re going to need that one damn e-mail you deleted.
However, the other night I had some free time on my hands and cleaned out the e-mail on my Blackberry—about 500 messages for three e-mail accounts down to 20.
It’s a start, right?
It’s an excellent start! And I’m more than happy to help.
Thanks for swinging by the office, Mo.
Well done Mo, but why so many email accounts anyway? Surely one personal is enough, unless keeping secrets from…?
Another excellent posting BTW.
TGTF
dave
Thanks, as always, for your support and kind words, Dave.
You are SO funny!
Thanks!
Mo, might I say, your “CYA” file sounds as if it far surpasses my “OND” file by far. “Way to go,” but, should you actually ever really “need” something from the, “CYA” file, how long would it take for it’s retrieval?? Any filing secrets you would care to share??
Sally P
I delete almost every email I get and particularly emails from my mother or your mother for that matter.
Hah! I’ll ask her to stop writing! (I make no guarantees she’ll listen to me – but I’ll ask) Thanks for dropping by the office.